@ Rinda – I am so glad that my story is providing you with a sense of inspiration. As I was reading your comment it came to me that many of us (myself included) experience depression to open the doorway to our shadow selves. What most of us are trying to do, even though we don’t usually recognize it, is meet and bring love and forgiveness to the parts of ourselves that we have deemed “bad”, the dark secrets that we fear would make us “unlovable” if anyone were to know.

We listen to that voice that says, “If people knew what I was really like it would be all over” and we lock these parts away and hide them from the light for the majority of our lives…desperately hoping that in this way we are insuring ourselves a chance at love and acceptance.

The others around us are doing something similar and we are all playing a game in which we’ve become supremely good at pretending we are perfect while secretly believing that we are terrible creatures at our core.

When we face our shadows and bring them love and forgiveness, we discover all the gifts these shadow selves actually provided to and for us, we integrate them and they become a strength rather than something we hide, ignore and run away from. This is a crucial step in developing self-love.

It comes down again to our self-judgment and when we are depressed it is usually the parts that hold our sorrow, shame and pain crying out for love and healing…all they need is our conscious attention and for us to accept them to be able to live once again, in the light =)

My friend Patricia Singleton blogged about her experience doing this with the rage and sadness she needed to heal as a result of childhood incest in the following post:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/journey-within-coaching-session-with.html

Much love to you both!

Paula Kawal

Perhaps that is the purpose of emptiness…our storms breaks us open to the possibilities we refuse to see.

Matt,

I’m so glad that you are creating understandings that are serving to reconnect you to yourself. After all, we’re most lonely for own depths

Give yourself lots of love, understanding and permission to be you!

Loads of love to you both,

PK

I never realized what it was about quiet stillness that calmed me, but this entry helped me figure it out.

Thank you for making me feel less alone.