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San Francisco
I’m back in San Francisco in an NLP Practitioner training. I am still amazed and somewhat surprised at how the universe opened up and manifested the way for me to be here. This course is broken out over several months, one intense weekend each month. Our day starts on Friday afternoon and pretty much ends on Sunday evening. For me it has been a reunion of friends as several people I knew from my coaching course are here. It is a large group that is very enjoyable.
The Assignment
Yesterday, we worked on a process called Change Personal History. In this process you are to find an unresourceful state, trace it back to your earliest memory of experiencing it, determine what resource would have been needed to turn it into a resourceful state and then jump back through your memories, pulling the resource up through time noticing and experiencing how differently you behave.
Confusion
I’ve challenged myself to really get out of my comfort zone during this training. Part of that is to work on areas that really are soft spots for me, the other part is to be more of an experiencer than an observer.
So I was the first to be guided through the process. I chose the subject of confusion because I have often experienced what seems like an over reaction to it, something inside of me yelling out that it is not o.k. to be confused and demanding that I resolve the situation immediately. Realizing not everyone has this same experience, I decided to explore this phenomena and see what was really going on.
The Memories
The memories that I traveled through were varied. The most recent in history being when I decided to step away from the music industry (promoting the voice of others) and move toward discovering my own voice…who I am and why I’m here in this life.
The next memory was when I was fourteen, a freshman in high school. A new town, new school and new chapter of life was upon me and I was absolutely clueless on how to integrate all of these changes.
The third memory was perhaps the most powerful and was what I would soon discover to be the root of my reaction toward confusion. I was about seven years old. I saw myself awaken in a car parked in a busy shopping mall lot. I had fallen asleep and was left there by myself as no one had wanted to wake me up. I awoke on my own in a panic, all alone.
I could not decide what to do. I was very confused. Part of me wanted to stay in the car, the other part shouted at me to go find my family. I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with fear. Tears streamed down my face as the internal war raged on. Before I got the chance to make a decision, my family returned.
The memory caused me to distrust myself when feeling confused and that the experience of it was not safe. These reactions and feelings had become the meaning of confusion for me…henceforth my automatic response to it was to become extremely uncomfortable and to panic.
Pulling in the Resource
I chose a few resources to give to my seven-year old self. The first was patience, the second was love, and the third was safety. Accessing them all within myself I showered her with them, sending them all out of myself with a great intensity that flowed out of me like a wave. Stepping into her, I received them and experienced the situation very differently.
I awoke within the car to discover that I had a cord of light running from my body down deep into the surface of the earth. I knew in that moment I was connected with all of the nurturing forces of the universe, a mother of great power.
Energy washed over me, I was embraced by it. I felt calm, at peace, safe, loved and knew that I only had to sit and wait. My family would be back soon, I had nothing to worry about. I saw the seven-year old me relax, enjoying this connection, knowing that no matter what, she was never alone.
I pulled this connection up through all the other memories as well, and paced it out into the future circumstances in which I might experience confusion. Confusion for me now has a different image attached to it…that of a peaceful, grounded little girl, bathing in the light of the nurturing forces of the love 
